I recently saw a survey that said more than 60% of Japanese males aged 18-34 do not have girlfriends. Conversely, 49% of Japanese females aged 18-34 are single. I would argue that the double-digit difference has to do with Japanese women appealing more to foreigners than Japanese males. At least in the Greater Tokyo Region, I rarely see foreign (gaijing) women with Japanese males but I see a lot of Japanese women with gaijing men.
For the most part though, the majority of Japanese women want a Japanese man- or Korean man (I was told they look more manly than Japanese men). So why are so many Japanese men single when there are so many Japanese women available to date?
I’m a foreigner, so my perspective is from an outsider’s view looking in. Forgive me in advance if I am incorrect about the things I perceive, but please correct me where I am wrong.
First off, the major problem I see with the dating situation in Japan is their closed nature when it comes to meeting strangers. In most parts of the world that I’ve been to, if you are out in public and you see a pretty girl that looks interesting to you, you approach her and introduce yourself. Apparently in Japan, you don’t do that. It’s not a norm in their society. A friend of mine who has studied Japanese culture for years told me that is why a lot of Japanese porn tends to objectify women. He said that the men are very sexually frustrated because they can’t just approach a pretty girl on the train and try to get to know her.
So how do people meet? Many people have single parties where they will have a single co-worker or classmate they know from the opposite sex, bring their single friends to a meeting place where they will meet the single friends of the other co-worker. Since both co-workers know one another, it is okay for the strangers to now meet. Of course, going to bars and clubs are a popular way as well, particularly for foreign men to meet Japanese women. The rise in internet dating sites in Japan is also proving to be another way, but it seems like that’s just a tool for locals who want to meet gaijing, not other Japanese singles.
So, if you not co-workers, classmates or friends of a friend, how else can you meet that beautiful person you have your eyes on? You can’t. Talk about frustrating… but not frustrating enough to make you bukkake someone- really Japan, really? Or you do like a lot of single and married Japanese professionals and fork over hundreds of dollars on drinks at hostess and hosuto bars. These are bars where men and women pay young females and males to sit and listen to them talk about life. Yes, I am serious.
The Parasite Single
Parasite single is a Japanese term for a single person who lives with their parents beyond their late twenties in order to enjoy a carefree and comfortable life. While some may help with household expenses, it is estimate by some studies that a whopping 85% do not help their parents with living expenses while living under their roofs until they get married. On top of that, up to 50% of them receive additional income from their parents. No wonder you constantly see Japanese twenty somethings buying luxury items, designer fashions and taking extravagant vacations; they are pocketing every thing they earn! And no wonder no one is dating. Would you date someone who is in their 20′s and still gets an allowance from their parents?
In their defense, the housing costs in Japan are extremely high. A person living on their own in Japan would use about 2/3′s of their income on housing expenses. Also, many Japanese landlords require that you pay a full six months rent in advance before you get the key to your apartment. That’s a lot less Gucci, Louis and Prada they’d be buying.
The number of singles living at home with their parents explains the popularity and availability of love hotels in Japan. Love hotels are the place to go when you want to boom boom and obviously you can’t do much boom boom in the bedroom when mom and dad are in the next room.
Apparently this large number of people living at home is to blame for the declining birth rate in Japan as well. Singles are staying single longer and the traditional role of a Japanese woman is changing. In the past, once a woman had a child, she would no longer be expected to work. Ever. Now Japanese women are opting to put their careers first and having families later in life. That explains why you see signs promoting people to have sex in Japan. I guess having 25 million people crammed in Tokyo isn’t enough for the Japanese government.
Japan’s Herbivore Men
According to this CNN article, in Japan, sex is translated as “relationship in flesh.” According to Webster’s dictionary, an herbivore is an animal that does not eat meat. You go ahead and put two-and-two together and see where this is going.
A study conducted by the Japan Family Planning Association in 2011, found that more than 36% of Japanese males aged 16-19 were uninterested in having sex. When the survey was conducted in 2008, only 15% of those polled- pardon the pun- said they were adverse to sex. The media has coined these men, ‘Herbivore Men.’
I respect their thinking but as they grow into their 20′s, how will being an ‘herbivore man‘ help them hunt and catch in the dating jungle? Wearing handbags and skinny jeans isn’t helping them, unless they expect to date women who enjoy sharing fashions and accessories with their boyfriends.
Be American or better yet, be Italian
Japanese people are great at finding a culture to embrace and really embracing it (youtube Japanese dancehall videos for an idea). You want to smooth talk your way into bed with that beautiful girl you see on the train every day? Start watching how American and Italian men talk to women they are interested in. Not only that, but pay attention to our mannerisms, style, confidence and swagger. You’ll have the birth rate climbing back up in no time. Start practicing your “Ciao bella” and grabbing your balls and you’ll be a carnivore soon enough.
I’ve been around the way, so let me tell you Japanese males something: You have some of the world’s most sexy, intelligent, stylish, clean and charming women out there. I mean that. How could you not want a woman who has no aversion to wearing mini skirts and thigh-high boots in the middle of winter? If you don’t want them while they are young, there are plenty of gaijing who do. Time to start making babies again Japan.